Ranting saves lives.

Hello non-existent readers.
So the reason why i haven't been posting is because poly life has started and i am dead tired and fucked up.
WARNING. This post is purely a rant.
Shoo, now go away.

Okay. So. I got into my dream course somehow, miracle or something, but the down side is that the people here are SMART. They're all 5-pointers or 7-pointers but me? I'm a 9-pointer. That's the lowest in the class. And every time they talk about getting A1s for like almost all their subjects, I feel sucky. I didn't get a single A1. And then i just like nod and smile and pretend that i'm as smart as them too. I know i shouldn't compare to them and whatnot but it's really difficult. My course is extremely competitive and only 5 people out of 50 with a 3.8 GPA can enter the affiliated university in Australia. Do you know how difficult that is lol. And my class isn't very bonded, you could say. Everybody is split up into their own little cliques and since i'm not 'popular', i get ignored a lot i guess. I try to make more friends, i try and try and try. But in the end i still can't find someone that i'm close with. Nobody that i bond with, nobody i can be good friends with. There is one girl though, but she's in another class and that just sucks fucking balls. Another thing is, i had to partner with a guy for lab practicals and projects and shit and his personality.... is fucked. Even other people think so. He's kind of annoying and he's damn asshole. He called me fat today. I left my house in the morning feeling happy, self confidence quite high and all, and then he had to call me fat. And i left school feeling like complete and utter shit. It wasn't a joke. Definitely wasn't a joke. He was serious. I mean like, i know i'm fucking fat la can, you don't have to tell me. You think i don't go home and see my stupid belly everyday? You think my self-esteem is as fucking high as yours? You can't tell a girl that she's fat. After he told me that i had to act like it was funny and laugh at myself. That hurt. So much. Only girls will understand me i think. You see, even though i like what i'm studying (even though my brain is melting) but if i don't like the people around me, it will affect my studies too. I don't know why people judge so much. I don't get it.
Right now, i feel like nobody understands me at all.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm feeling alone.
Alone in this wide world.

Anyway, going to be donating blood tomorrow. Kind of wish they would do something wrong and all my blood would somehow be sucked up and i'll shrivel up and wilt. At least they would have my blood to save other people's lives. Ha. Ha.